Summers of Yesteryear Excerpt

“Well, I'd say that was pretty effective for a silencing mechanism,” Agent Jesse says, looking like he's trying very hard not to be amused. “Let's see if Alex can use it as an interrogation method.”

“Me?” Alex manages to ask before turning to me and taking a deep breath. Then just like that he seems to make himself seem almost suave. “Hey, Beautiful.”

“Copycat,” Miss Joan accuses.

“I don't know your name,” he adds, “so can I just call you… Callopygian?”

I stare at him. “Callapygian? What on earth does that even mean?”

Agent Jesse shakes his head. “Maybe that would be an effective means of learning a girl's name, if you used a complement that's in the common vernacular.”

"You mean like 'vernacular'?” Sheila asks sarcastically before rolling her eyes. “Guys with big vocabs.”

“I got a dictionary on my phone!” Mickey announces victoriously, whipping one out of her pocket.

Alex whirls around. “No, don't look it up!”

I raise an eyebrow at him and he blushes.

“Callopygian,” Mickey reads aloud. “The quality of or possessing the quality of having an attractive or shapely rear end.”

I raise my eyebrow higher.

Tim coughs. “Did not see that coming.”

“Callopygian,” Sheila whispers like she's trying to commit it to memory. “Callopygian...”

“It was the first thing that popped in my head.” Alex holds out both his hands in surrender. “I just happened to read that word recently, and…”

Maybe all those dry-looking classics he reads aren't so dry.

“I don't really think you're callopygian, Vi.”

I cock my hip again. “Excuse me?”

“I mean, uh, I wouldn't know because I don't look down there. Your eyes are up here.”

“Uh-huh.”

Miss Joan, who had been chuckling steadily since the word was unmasked, is now laughing so hard that she falls out of her chair.

Agent Jesse rubs the bridge of his nose. “Well, I hope this example has convinced you all of the effectiveness of the flirting interrogation. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go bang my head on a wall.”

I roll my eyes. “Yeah, me too.” Okay, so maybe Alex is that big of a jerk after all.

“Vi...” Alex pleads, but he's interrupted by Sheila, who bats her eyes. “You know, I find guys with a big vocabulary attractive.”

“Well, you'll just have to like a different nerd because I-” Alex stops himself and blinks. “Wow, the flirting technique really is effective.

Or maybe he's not so much of a nerd as a victim of his circumstances.

“Because you're not callopygian enough?” Sheila asks. “Really, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself.”

“I think I'm going to go bang my head on a wall too,” Alex mutters.

Tim stares off into the distance as if suddenly realizing something grand. “If I bang my head on a wall I don't get a headache.”

And with that one last piece of information, our lesson in subtle interrogation comes to an end.